Johannesburg – There is never a dull moment in the governing party.
Amid its many woes, from financial crisis to municipal election list troubles, the mighty ANC also has the wild, wild North West to deal with.
Ousted premier of North West, academic and former visiting professor at Wits University’s Graduate School of Public and Development Management, Job Mokgoro, resigned as the province’s first citizen after he met the Big Buffalo, ANC president Cyril Ramaphosa.
He was yet to resign as member of the provincial legislature by the time of going to press. This as Mokgoro’s former adviser and replacement Bushy Maape awaits to be sworn in.
As usual, it is the battle of the pensioners in the ANC, as the 73-year-old Mokgoro tried to prolong his stay as a salary-earning member of the ANC, while the 64-year-old Maape awaits to age well in the governing party while amassing a nice pension for when his turn to get kicked outcomes.
But because Shwa loves the elderly, I have taken some time off my busy schedule socialising with the rock stars of South African politics, to give these two old bulls some good old advice.
• To the honourable and learned Mokgoro, stop making a fool of yourself, you are smarter than this.
• First, you need to go because you have to enjoy your old age in peace. You are not a spring chicken.
• The job, sir, though it has your name written all over it, was not for life.
• The house always erupts in song when you are elected, but when it is time to go, you realise that there are no permanent friends in the ANC – so, go quietly, you may be recycled when the time is right.
• And, frankly, Shwa has had enough of people who look like Lucas Mangope in that region, it’s time for a fresh face.
• Always maintain your dignity when asked to leave a job, look, now you have been replaced by a yellow- bone.
• Job, forget about Cyril because he has troubles of his own and is busy putting out his own fires.
• To the premier-in-waiting Bushy, as you know it is a jungle out there, anything can happen.
• Please do not resist resigning when it is your turn, things are very shaky in your ANC.
• Remember you are there to serve the people and protect their basic rights, so don’t steal anything, not even a lighter.
• Please get a tailor, you’re representing an entire province that attracts a lot of tourists and your suits could fit better.
• Please get rid of any side-chicks, or advisers who are womanisers, we as citizens do not want to hear the bedroom shenanigans of people old enough to be our grandparents.
• Speaking of relatives, are you related to Pule Mabe? Shwa hopes it is only your looks that you have in common.
Don’t get entangled in entanglements, financial and otherwise, that will compromise your standing in society
• You can always be the first comrade to refuse to heed the call to serve and ask your party to elect someone younger to breathe new life to the troubled province.
• Now that you are going to be premier, please ensure you are always immaculately groomed as Shwa has seen you looking like you want to let yourself go.
You will be told when it is your time to go.
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