Johannesburg – Imbokodo Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula has been appointed Speaker of the National Assembly.
We have some advice for her because we care.
• You are a year older than Madonna, so please stop with those ghastly outfits and get a stylist because you are a beautiful woman.
• We know you were trained in Angola but do refrain from treating other parliamentarians like your foot soldiers.
• When you are a speaker, you need to focus, you cannot be linked with smuggling a young Burundi girl into South Africa. No smuggling fans into parliament either; it’s not about you.
• Don’t buy a farm.
• It does not matter what day the president says it is, just agree.
• Ignore allegations against you; including that matter about R5-million and just concentrate on lazy parliamentarians who sleep at work. Don’t let allegations or charges make you lose focus.
• Ensure you bring discipline to parliament because we don’t want any more violence; I’m sure you know people in the defence force.
• No hugging FW de Klerk.
• Be careful of those honourable members of the EFF; it is a fact the fighters are educated, well-spoken and hot–focussed and don’t smile when Dr Mbuyiseni Ndlozi addresses you because it is not a date.
• Please be fair; remember all members are equal in parliament – but some are more equal than other.
• Don’t make weird expressions, which will be used as memes.
• No distracting make-up; remember you are 64 years and no one wants to see a pensioner looking like an Xmas tree.
• Be firm but respectful and you’ll thank me later.
• Don’t change your accent or walk because of this new post.
• Be audible, trying to sound sexy by whispering is very Thuli Madonsela. You are not Thuli. Otherwise, have fun and sort out your dramas while at it.
Don’t forget tekkies just in case you need to make a dash for the exit.
Click here to read more from Shwashwi
Follow @SundayWorldZA on Twitter and @sundayworldza on Instagram, or like our Facebook Page, Sunday World, by clicking here for the latest breaking news in South Africa. To Subscribe to Sunday World, click here.
Sunday World
