Since February is declared the month of love, couples the world over go all out to express their love. Many use the month and Valentine’s Day to reaffirm or fix the issues they may have in their relationships.
However, experts say couples may need to work on one thing that comes naturally to affirm their love, or fix it. And that is a good sleep pattern.
Science also backs up this suggestion.
This is because many problems stem from a lack of sleep, bad sleeping habits or health problems that cause sleep deprivation etc.
Sleep “divorce”
Whether the disruption is snoring, tossing and turning or phone use at bedtime, couples may consider getting a “sleep divorce” if sleeping together interrupts a potential good night’s rest.
Sleep expert at the leading bed brand Restonic, Doctor Alison Bentley, told Sunday World that loving partners do sleep in separate beds often. This is particularly if one of them is restless and has a sleeping disorder. Or simply if the two prefer a different mattress.
Bentley is a Beverly Hills-based (US) family, relationship psychotherapist and author. She has done a lot of work and research on sleep, and how it affects our daily lives.
Experts say lack of sleep can result in irritability and more hostile interactions with your partner.
Lack of sleep has many health risks
Researchers at Ohio State University’s Wexner Medical Center (Sleep Disorders Center) found that it can also increase the inflammatory response in the body. This puts you at a higher risk of all sorts of illnesses and conditions. These include the inflammatory bowel disease, joint issues like rheumatoid arthritis, heart disease and cancer.
Sales and marketing executive at local bed brand Restonic, Dale Harley, said: “One study by Ohio State University (US) found that sleep problems can boost inflammation and jeopardise interpersonal functioning. These risks may be magnified in couples.
“Science has shown that not getting enough sleep results in an increased risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, obesity and premature death. But now we’re finding that it may compromise relationships too.”
Low frustration tolerance
“A person who is sleep-deprived may have low frustration tolerance. They may have a short fuse, moodiness, grumpiness and raw nerves. The person may also have a vulnerability to losing his temper.
“They also have a thinner barrier of self-protection from emotional injuries and hurts that might ordinarily be let go. One sleep-deprived partner in a couple is challenging. But two are a quick pathway to trouble,” He said.
The Ohio State Institute of Behavioral Medicine research study found that well-rested couples still had disagreements. However, the way they handled them was different. Approaching conflicts in a more constructive, collaborative manner.
Compromised sleep can also affect a couple’s intimacy.
Targeting better sleep
Bentley said that couples can work at improving their sleep by committing to better sleep hygiene. This includes setting up a bedtime routine and sticking to it. Also banishing the use of electronic devices that emit blue light (such as TVs and cell phones).
These must be banned from the bedroom entirely (or at least for an hour before bed). Ruling out any medical sleep problems, such as snoring caused by sleep apnoea.
In an interview with Sunday World Bentley said that people who grew up sharing a bed will find it easier to share a bed. If not, it can be quite difficult to get used to.
Sleep habits
“Holding your partner is entirely personal. Some people like being held, while others can not sleep if someone is touching them. Importantly, it doesn’t reflect on the relationship, it’s just how their sleep works.
Feeling breathing or any air movement on your face while trying to fall asleep can be very off-putting. Other people like to feel air moving. So keep all the windows open at night or have a fan so that there is a breeze.
Sleep positions when sharing a bed
Bentley said there are no correct positions to sleep in when sleeping in the same bed with your partner.
“The sleeping positions will vary according to the couple. Again, no insight into the relationship as a whole should be gained from sleeping positions. Each partner needs to get good sleep. And those that do are likely to have a better relationship. Because they are well rested the next day.
“Trying to twist yourself into another person’s requirements and not getting a good night’s sleep doesn’t work. It is quite selfish for the other person to insist on,” she said.
The blame of a bad night’s sleep
The blame for a bad night’s sleep should go to the partner that is disrupting the other one’s sleep.
“It could be snoring, restlessness, insisting that the partner goes to bed when they go to bed even if they are not ready to, etc. It’s not a gender-specific thing.
“Remember also that a bad night’s sleep may not be due to your partner but due to a sleep disorder. People with insomnia are likely to blame their partner for the slightest snoring or going to the toilet during the night. All these activities wake them up. But it’s not their fault that the insomniac can’t sleep.”
Sleep rules
“Agreeing to some basic sleep rules is also useful. If your partner likes to read into the wee hours of the morning, for example. They might want to do that in a different area of the home to avoid disturbing you. And vice versa.
“A bed that no longer supports your sleep needs can also affect the quality of your rest. A bed that gives you and your partner adequate support and comfort does. Along with pillows that support your necks properly. These might be the best gift you can give each other this Valentine’s Day.” Harley added.
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