Straight & 2 Beers: Covid is in the air this Valentine’s

Johannesburg – This month belongs to Cupid, the god of erotic love.

It’s Valentine’s Day and love is in the air, but so is Covid-19.

In the era of the pandemic, the perfect gift for your love interest is a vaccine.


But how to get hold of the jab when it’s not available at your corner café?

Well, South Africans are enterprising. We are a country in which paramedics are routinely robbed and ARVs are sold to nyaope addicts.

We live in a country in which the government cannot build a border fence to keep illegal foreigners out during a lockdown.

Instead, we have seen how the Public Works Department hurried to erect a washing line between Zimbabwe and Mzansi and now it is scrambling for more millions to rectify the blunder.

We are a country in which police stations are guarded by private security and army bases are robbed.

So, it shouldn’t be difficult to know where the vaccine is being stored.

The government made much fanfare when the million doses of the “life-saving” medication arrived from India a week ago. It was escorted by black SUVs from the airport, reminiscent of the convoy of the Gupta wedding guests enroute to Sun City after landing at Waterkloof airbase.

So, it should not be difficult to figure out where the vaccine is stored.

In fact, I’m rather surprised that the vaccine is not already being sold at Marabastad in Pretoria.

Be on the lookout for fakes because comrades are not beyond substituting the real stuff with Drink-O-Pop to make a quick buck.

We all know how they scored big last year by supplying frontline workers with defective personal protective equipment.

If you can’t charm her with a vaccine, it will still be alright to give her chocolate and flowers, though “kasi” girls frown on roses and prefer data.

Besides, florists have been among the hardest-hit during lockdown alongside the shirt sellers.

With more people working from home, the sales of shirts and blouses have plummeted as we connect from our homes wearing pyjamas and even our holey underwear without a care. Poor clothing designers have also taken a knock as events were cancelled and some resorted to sewing masks. The low-scale State of the Nation Address (Sona) on Thursday demonstrated the devastation of the pandemic on the economy. Ordinarily, members of parliament would have rocked up in their designer outfits, except for the Economic Freedom Fighters, who prefer their red overalls and aprons.

But the new normal saw most MPs following proceedings from the safety of their abodes.

Unfortunately, I missed the Sona thanks to load-shedding by that insolent and bankrupt Eskom.

However, I’m reliably informed that I did not miss much because our president once again made promises he is unlikely to keep.

As for me, I’ll be enjoying long romantic walks to the fridge today. To all my single friends, if no one else loves you, I do. Happy Valentine’s!

Vusi Nzapheza.

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