Shwashwi: Hot mgosi and celebs – If your celeb days are over, step away from the spotlight

Johannesburg – I know it’s hard to step away from the spotlight when you have been so accustomed to it.

But dear Norma Mngoma, my baby, you have to accept that your days of hogging the limelight are over.

They are history, gone like your self-proclaimed title of Mrs Gigabyte.

Now, can you please desist from doing TV interviews in English this year – or any other language for that matter. No one cares.

Okay, perhaps we are a little curious just in case you become a Mrs again.

Also, what was your intention with the interview and did you benefit from the spoils?

Canvassing for public sympathy? Hope you did not incriminate yourself.

I hope your ex, that former minister of something significant Malusi Gigaba will be remarrying as Shwashwi has the perfect rebound girl (nudge nudge, wink wink!) Shwa just also hopes that Buhle Mkhize will not comment publicly about the Gigaba fiasco this year because we know she will make things worse and we don’t like women fighting unless there is mud.

Now here’s a woman Shwa is watching with very keen interest.

The capricious Mrs Rachel Kolisi. Yep, the better half of SA’s Rugby World Cup-winning Siya Kolisi. Kusazoba lit. Can Dineo Langa and hubby Solo give the Kolisis some tips on how to keep it real and calm in matrimony.

Can somebody tell actress Samkelo Ndlovu to stop body-shaming Moozlie Mabena; parody or not – it is not funny but smacks of desperation. Body-shaming in 2021? Nobody is laughing.

Yes, your music is hot, though Shwashwi has not heard it. You are not Cardi B. I’m getting more and more convinced of the rumour that you two are creating fake drama to market your upcoming projects.

Can South Africans please stop believing in false prophets this year.

Speaking of false prophets, can the Bushiri drama be concluded. Shwa cannot bear the thought of grown men calling a young lad “Papa”. It is so vexing.

We hope that Black Coffee and his ex, Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa, find other partners and keep it under wraps as it’s all too much information.

Can celebrities stop writing about their separation on Instagram and then return to the same bed.

Whatever happened to once bitten, twice shy? Will married celebrities get their sex partners to sign non-disclosure agreements.

We don’t deserve to hear the filth you get up to with starlets and Rolexes – or was it one.

Did you hear? Khanyi Mbau replaced the boobs that Mandla Mthembu paid for and bought a new pair with her own money, or so the story goes. Are you ladies going to hang on to those gifts or buy your own?

What exactly is Lerato Kganyago’s type in men because the current is still startling .

How do you find such men Lerato? Is it the gold tooth?

Sjava is too scary-looking for such a young man. Hopefully this year Kenny Kunene can continue being underground and behind the scenes as intended.

Can celebs who cannot keep up with their monthly car instalments please return the cars before they are repossessed.

If Shwa has to write another story about another supercar being repossessed, Shwa is gonna flip. Speaking of supercars, and there’s no one that has expensive taste in cars like our soccer stars.

Shwa only has one request to you footies; can you please stop lying about your ages in 2021.

We know the people you attended school with. We see the wrinkles and the slow reflexes.

We hope Chiefs have a better year as the jokes have become stale.

Can Unathi Nkayi please fill up The Dome this year or a stadium; Shwashi is positive ladies can do it too.

Will Maps Maponyane please not be caught speeding this year. Shwashi hates such irresponsible and dangerous behaviour. What if you kill someone, Maps?

Enough about dunderheads on our roads; apparently working with DJ Tira is a dream.

Will you stay humble, grootman?

Mercy Phakela, we hope you do great things in 2021 – starting with the correct colour foundation.

Please can we have less obnoxious behaviour from AKA in 2021 because life is not a music video. Hope your Durban club does well, Supermega!

We hope celebrities will stop using violence to promote their music this year.

If it’s bad, please just don’t release. Can we have less drama from production houses and more respect for talent.

Kuli Roberts