Johannesburg – Shwa has no clue what your election will contribute towards making crime-famous Joburg “the world-class African city” it claims to be, but congratulations Jolidee Matongo.
Shwa would, however, like you to keep doing the following, so that even when you falter in your duties, Shwa can still say, but at least he looked good while doing it.
• We love your three-piece suits, so please keep them.
• Continue looking after your skin and nails because we can never have enough metrosexuals in Jozi.
• We also noticed how good your arms look in short-sleeved tops, but please do not be tempted to don a short-sleeved suit because you are not a dictator.
• Don’t forget to work on your summer body, those free breakfasts, lunches and dinners come at a cost.
• Stay away from corruption, it is the most unattractive quality.
• Don’t ever make it about you and your money because you are a public servant and no one cares what brand of toothpaste you can afford.
• Smile more because voters love that. Nurture your relationship with your dentist and you should encourage your rich friends with brown teeth to get a cleaning.
• Casual day does not mean you should look like a Hillbrow pimp, so avoid seven colours.
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