Us comedian Kevin Hart, who has lovingly adopted his SA name Mpho, sure had a good time in Mzansi last week.
Although Shwa missed his comedy show, I did attend the movie premiere of his film Die Hart.
But for the life of Shwa, every time she sees this title, I mistake it for being an Afrikaans phrase. Sies tog!
When moi asked if Mpho had learned any African languages, he rather referred to a phrase saying I learned “now now” in SA. He clearly does not know the difference.
The obsession with American celebrities though, guests were packed in like Lucky Star sardines trying to breath at Montecasino’s Grande Cinema in Fourways.
He turned up two hours late. Imagine! When he did arrive, he was surrounded by four to five tall men towering over him – one could hardly see the little man.
Dressed in a rather busy-looking shirt, brown chinos and extra-long white formal shoes – he looked like a bad character in a Western movie. And to think the dress code was “Action Chic”, Mpho needs to employ a new stylist asap.
The set-up was awesome – from the food to the drinks – everything overflowed.
Mpho went on about his African name. “I know what my name means, blessing and gift”, welele.
He said he chose SA to launch the film because he loves Africa. A cliché with Americans, honestly.
Simphiwe Ngema showed up in a silver glittered jacket and shorts looking like a disco ball all in love and cuddling on the black carpet as if it was a Valentine’s Day event. She told moi: “Yes I am with my man” as if we were here to witness her love debut, ag shem! Her man had nothing to say to moi, we just know he was there.
Clearly some people didn’t get the memo. Lasizwe Dambuza made a grand appearance in tight leather pants that shaped everything. Not flattering, hey. Holding onto his nether region, he couldn’t stop going on about how hot Hart is. The man came with his wife, chill!
This premiere was also a gathering of content creators with the likes of Chad Jones, who just looked okay, and Sphokuhle.
She looked like Mrs Action chic with terrible heels that had fire artwork giving Shwa this Alicia Keys “Girl on Fire” vibes.
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Moi was disappointed to see such little show up from South African comedians, but it is what it is.
The likes of Celeste Ntuli were present. She said “ngila ngizocela umsebenzi” (I am here to ask for work), hawu banna!
Why did women think it’s fashionably okay to wear heels to a movie premiere? I mean Mpho Hart is short, and ladies could not keep their ankles from shaking after a few drinks. Shem!
Some of these so-called influencers and celebrities seemed like they did not know what was happening at the event, the likes of The Wife actor Thulani Shange, who wore brown pants and a brown waist coat with no shirt. My brother, no, go back to the drawing board. If you wanna be seen, invest in a stylist.
Siv Ngesi, please don’t ask for a boxing match with moi, I am a soft girl, but you irritated Shwa with your constant empty updates. He kept shouting that Mpho Hart is coming for over 30 minutes. It was not a boxing match, Siv, your commentary was wack!
Is Trevor Gumbi dating or married again? He couldn’t get his hands off his new bae. They clearly thought they were at a Valentine’s event.
Speaking about love, Shwa has a soft spot for Sdumo Mtshali. What an unproblematic Zulu gent. Please give Shwa a try, we’ll keep it between us.
Pasi Koetle seems to be out and about these days, is there something you wanna tell gossip girl, is there trouble in paradise at home or what? Well we heard of your separation.
It was also good seeing Lusanda Mbane and Ukhozi FM’s Siya Mhlongo or should I say Metro FM? What was the conversation about? Moi wants to be squeezed in on all those juicy and dramatic SABC stories.
Dineo Langa is a breath of fresh air, so humble… moi is certain you forget that you’re a celebrity sometimes neh? You and your gorgeous husband Solo looked too cute.
Siphesihle Vazi, since The Queen got canned, what are you busy with now? Is Selimathunzi still around? To all the celebrities who were at the Die Hart movie premiere, I hope you show the same interest for local movies.
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