Remember when we were kids, and they told us judges were just like us? Flesh, blood, sweat, and maybe a little coffee stain on their robes? Well, turns out, we were lied to.
Judges are apparently made of something else entirely – perhaps titanium, or maybe the same material they use for superhero capes. Because holding Zondo accountable is starting to feel like trying to arrest the wind.
Take poor Gwede Mantashe, who dared to challenge the findings of the Zondo commission. He thought he could walk into court, present his case, and leave with his dignity intact. Silly Gwede. What he didn’t realise is that suing Zondo is like trying to get into a nightclub with sneakers on – you need permission first.
You can’t sue a politically appointed judge without the blessing of his colleagues. And guess what? Mantashe didn’t get the memo. Now, let’s talk about the hoops.
If you’re a regular Joe accused of stealing a loaf of bread, the courts will have you in front of a judge faster than you can say “guilty”. But if you’re a judge accused of, well, anything, the complainants must first write letters, file applications, and probably sacrifice a goat to the legal gods before they can even get their case heard.
And here’s the kicker: even the judges can’t agree on how the law applies to Zondo.
In one case (Memela), a court said Zondo wasn’t protected because he was acting as the chairperson of the commission, not as a judge. But Judge Fiona Dippenaar wasn’t having it.
She declared that Zondo’s role was a judicial function and therefore untouchable.
So, are we all equal before the Constitution? Sure, if by “equal” you mean some of us are regular humans and others are judges. The rest of us will just have to jump through hoops while the untouchables sip their coffee and watch the drama unfold. They don’t even care about filing responding papers in the courts they administer.
