A woman’s way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but we need to figure out a way to his mind, and I do that by cooking for women to hear their advice, says Ambience Catering founder Oageng Phofedi.
The young chef has introduced women-only events around the table to discuss the hardships faced in relationships while she cooks and prepares the best of meals to enjoy as the topic heats up.
She said women would agree that their partners did not like communicating, assuming that it might be caused by the old saying that “indoda ayikhali”, loosely translating to mean “a man doesn’t cry”.
“I am forever worried about the South African statistics of suicide, so I thought that I should gather women to discuss the challenges we face in relationships so that we know we are not alone and that we can find better ways to treat our partners.
“There are many reasons behind suicide and we should admit that sometimes men feel they cannot talk to us because we are harsh or expect way too much from them. We should teach each other how to build a peaceful home, a home where a man can come and freely open up,” she said.
The South Africa Depression and Anxiety Group last year reported an estimate of 23 suicides and 460 attempted suicides a day in the country, including more than 75 000 calls to the organization. The reports show that men are four times more likely to commit suicide.
She said thinking about the statistics was devastating, and although catering is thought to be all about enjoying mouth-watering, to them it was a way of trying to build a happier South Africa by first solving issues faced at home.
“Please don’t get me wrong, I agree that women should not always blame themselves for the things men go through, but can we at least try our best to help them? I also learnt a thing or two during these events, to give an ear that listens, a shoulder to cry on, and a smile to wipe the tears. Can we practice that?
“Men find strength in their women, they need to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t feel bad if he continues talking to you but still feels anxious or depressed, there are psychologists to help. But if he cannot engage with you, how will he manage to talk to someone he doesn’t know? We need to be there and that is what my women-only events talk about.”
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