Thembi Maphanga from Mpumalanga was terribly burnt by her abusive husband and the father of her children 12 years ago. She also lost her two-year-old daughter during the ordeal. The experience, however, propelled her into action to avoid it happening to other women.
In an interview with Sunday World, she stated that although she has permanent scarring, she is more confident and more assertive in life.
An avid fighter in the battle against gender-based violence, she started a non-profit organisation called Burn Survivor South Africa, where she helps other people who have gone through what she went through.
Relating the event, she said: “He loved me and he treated me like a queen. We also wanted the same things out of life. The way we clicked was beautiful.
Her husband lost his job not long after they were married and started acting “unstable”.
She said she couldn’t tell if he was stressed because of work or if this was a part of his personality that she had never seen before.
“He demanded reports on my everyday movements and if I didn’t answer a call he would demand an explanation, otherwise he would become angry.”
In 2010 a friend of hers asked her to cook for her housewarming. Out of the blue, her partner then demanded that they should leave in the middle of the function.
“He started acting up and now this time we were in front of people. Most of the guys got so angry that they chased him away. They told him that he couldn’t do that to a woman because he was being very aggressive with me (grabbing me and pulling me),” she said.
The next day he told her that their relationship wasn’t working anymore, because she didn’t listen to him.
The 45-year-old said grew tired of being his punching bag.
“He said he wanted to talk to me privately, our daughter followed us into the bedroom and he locked the door which was normal. I stood while he sat on the bed, scratching his head. He went to the side of the bed and came up with a five litre bottle of petrol. I didn’t even think that he would do such a thing. He poured it all over me, my mind was pacing. And we fought for the matchbox.”
Unfortunately, he overpowered her, and he left the room in flames.
She and her daughter were locked inside, while he managed to jump out of the window.
“I couldn’t even see my daughter, could only hear her crying. I jumped through the window as well. Had my eyes closed while I was using my hands to feel. I know where my tap is and I went straight there. I poured water all over myself. By then the neighbours had noticed that something was wrong.”
She told her neighbours that her daughter was still inside, and they jumped through the window.
She was in a coma for three months and woke up to the news that her daughter didn’t survive the fire and was already buried.
“They thought I took it well, but the later on my body shut down. And I went straight back into a coma. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to eat anything. I just wanted to die.”
“I remember when they gave me pills I wouldn’t take them. I wasn’t taking anything in at all. Eventually, I was fed through a pipe. A week after my hunger strike I realized that I wasn’t getting anywhere.”
Eventually, she went home in March 2011, after going to rehab to teach herself how to do things for herself again.
“I’d been in hospital for so long it was exciting. I mean, I even remember wanting to show off my scars. And people would be so surprised and they would stare. I enjoyed the fact that I was still alive.”
She said going to therapy helped forgive. He handed himself to the police after being on the run for three months and was sentenced to 10 years.
“I wasn’t happy with the sentence because five was a suspended sentence. He was later out on parole but passed away after committing suicide. I feel like he took the easy way out because he needed to live and face the consequences for his actions.”
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