As we commemorate 16 days of activism against gender-based violence (GBV), I believe this is the opportune time for us to deliberate on the proposed concept of unisex toilets in schools and public spaces.
As a mother and a citizen of this country, I am highly concerned about the safety of women and children and the high risk that this proposed change imposes to our children and the society at large, especially in a country that is ridden with rape and GBV.
South Africa is notorious for its high levels of rape and GBV, ranking among the top five nations in the world. The crime rate is high, and our criminal and justice system is weak and unreliable. Finding preventative measures to fight the surge is one way we can be assured of the safety and well-being of our children, the vulnerable and less privileged members of our society. We cannot afford to create spaces that could potentially become crime scenes in the near future.
The Dros rape case (where a child was raped in a public toilet) and many other cases “known and unknown” serve as reminders of our journey in the fight against GBV as a nation and as global communities.
I don’t believe it would be favourable to have unisex toilet facilities in a country where women and girl children are prey, and men and boys are predators, to redress issues of gender equality and create an inclusive society. Let’s find a solution that unites us, that allows us to create safe spaces from the comfort of our homes and in public spaces, which will serve in the best interest of all humanity.
I am also writing as a rape survivor. I was molested when I was five years old in a toilet by my cousin who was in high school at the time, in the comfort of our home. If such incidents can happen in “protected spaces”, how much more in public spaces or schools?
To perpetrators, rape is simply an act of sexual gratification, however, the aftermath can be unbearable to survivors.
I wish perpetrators could have names and faces, in fact, they do have faces and names! Rape is a “secret crime”, it happens in secret places, in dark places and in “protected spaces”, and the common trend is that either the face of the victim is hidden, or the face of the perpetrator is hidden. Breaking the “rape confidentiality” should be explored and tested. GBV must have a face and a name, the face of the victim should not be the only face we see!
The forefathers of our liberation struggle, Nelson Mandela, Walter Sisulu, Oliver Tambo, and all other anti- apartheid activists should always be honoured for the sacrifices they made. South Africa is still a deeply traumatised as we live through the after effects of our apartheid history.
The new generations of South Africans have been born into broken or toxic family environments, where the trauma of our history perpetuates through poverty, government corruption and many inherited and adaptive interpersonal behaviours.
The pain should be acknowledged.
The root cause of GBVis embedded in our history and upbringing. The condition is generational. To effectively deal with the GBV surge and its impact, we need to deal with the root causes.
We need to unite in activism and that begins at the point when we realise that we all can and have a role to play in the fight GBV. We need to be proactive within our own spaces and take action when exposed to it.
My rape perpetrator was shot and killed. My rape incident and my pain were never acknowledged. I was robbed of an opportunity to confront him. I was robbed of an opportunity to get justice. But that does not change the role he played in my brokenness, the impact his decision had on my heart and soul.
Healing is a painful process that’s liberating and fundamental. The greatest change I experienced took place inside me. And the greatest gift I can give my future is to not let that spirit of the pain he caused to live on through me. It’s not just about me, it’s about healing, my wellness, mental health, and a destiny that will be available to the generations connected to me.
- This a shortened version of an open letter written by Malaza – a rape survivor
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