Johannesburg – This week was my umchana’s birthday and as an uncle, I did what malumes do.
I took him out to buy braai vleis.
He’s a second-year varsity student and unfortunately does not drink, otherwise I would ply him with enough booze to float the Titanic.
So, off we went to buy some meat.
At the butcher, I noticed two young ladies.
We later met the two girls at the till. Their basket had one item, liver. Without a thought, I nudged one of them and instructed her to rush back to the fridges to get two packets of any meat and I’d pick up the tab.
I included their purchases with mine and packed theirs separately. And off we went.
As we all exited, they were awed and all smiles.
In the car, my nephew Waratwa told me that I’m a good person.
No, mchana, I am not, I protested. I’ve done many things I’m not proud off.
Back in the day, I used to rummage through public phones for coins.
I’d even hit them with my first to see if some coins wouldn’t fall off.
When I was at varsity and residing in Soshanguve, we’d raid an avocado orchard a few blocks away after watching the Felicia Mabuza-Suttle Show every Monday.
I have not committed murder, at least not yet anyway.
But I once hit a car in Cape Town and did not stop.
As Dudu Myeni would say: “Chairperson, I do not want to incriminate myself,” but I confess that it was a hit-andrun. I did not stop because it was late at night and we had been drinking and my car was overloaded, so I did not want to bother the police.
Fortunately, there were no occupants in the other car. As life would have it, months later, I found a note on the windscreen of the company car I had parked on the Foreshore in Cape Town.
The note read that a lady had reversed into my car and she apologised and left me her number.
On inspection, I found barely a scrape on the car’s body paint. I called the lady and invited her for coffee.
My interrogation revealed an upright citizen.
I scolded her and told her if I’d been in her shoes, I would never have confessed to a crime nobody saw me committing.
The story had a happy ending as I assured her she would not be liable for repairs as the damage was minimal and I would attend to it.
Dear reader, there is not enough space to recount the horrid things I’ve done, but I’m glad my nephew discovered that Uncle Vusi has a good streak tucked somewhere in his heart.
Please keep that milk of kindness flowing!
To read more political news and views from this week’s newspaper, click here.
Follow @SundayWorldZA on Twitter and @sundayworldza on Instagram, or like our Facebook Page, Sunday World, by clicking here for the latest breaking news in South Africa. To Subscribe to Sunday World, click here.
Sunday World
