Johannesburg – Before you go out with a widow, first ask her what killed her husband, says an African proverb.
For the Togolese, the saying is rhetorical and more ominous in tone: You ¤irt with a widow, but do you know how her husband died?
From not being able to participate in certain social, community and cultural activities for a certain period to how their behaviour is scrutinised, widowhood for women is tantamount to isolation – and this has been the case long before the word quarantine became part of everyday life.
While it is not uncommon for a widower to not observe a mourning period or wear mourning clothes, a woman is ostracised for not adhering to the mourning period and dress.
A man’s conduct after his wife’s death is construed as his way of dealing with loss.
A woman is damned either way. Many a bride has been warned on their wedding day that a widow is presumed guilty of her husband’s death even when proved otherwise.
A widower, on the other hand, is encouraged not to wallow in sadness. The current head of UN Women and former deputy president of South Africa Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka this week reiterated the importance of not forgetting women such as widows in multibillion-rand relief programmes to respond to the pandemic.
In her closing remarks at the first regular session of the UN Women executive board for this year, she said: “Women will never go back to pre-pandemic economic activities. Girls will drop out of school.”
If the average woman is unable to return to her usual economic activities, imagine how challenging it would be for widows.
According to Mlambo-Ngcuka, past experiences with other pandemics such as HIV/Aids and Ebola have shown that widows are often denied inheritance rights, stripped off their property and face discrimination and stigma.
According to WHO, men make up the highest number of Covid-19-related deaths.
Just two months after South Africa announced its first case of Covid-19, figures from the National Institute for Communicable Diseases showed that 55.5% of the 312 deaths recorded by May 19 last year were men.
Unfortunately, Covid-19 has not removed the stigma against widows, nor has it eased the burden placed on them, especially African women who have the additional challenges of poverty and poor access to basic services.
Widows have been isolated and considered super-spreaders of bad luck long before social distancing was a necessity.
So, as the Covid-19 death toll rises, so are the widows and their plight. It is therefore essential to ensure that they have access to the necessary information to claim their fair share of resources.
It is also critical that all the widows are able to benefit from other assistance that does not depend on their marital status.
By Phumla Mkize.
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