Trust, loyalty and the heart need to be tended
A marital relationship is a very tricky journey full of adventure, with both beautiful and ugly memories. Yet, it can be an exciting and amazing experience.
I can’t believe that I have spent half of my life with my wife. Truth be told, even after all these years, I can’t lie to myself or anyone, and claim with confidence that I fully know and understand everything about her.
I believe she will equally admit that she doesn’t quite know me. All I am saying is that over all these years I have observed and learnt that women develop new preferences in their relationships as they grow and mature.
I have observed my wife putting her foot down and disagreeing with something she had gladly agreed with a few years earlier. I nearly got confused thinking she was changing her principles. However, I quickly decided to watch her very closely with a positive attitude.
I then realised that she merely didn’t want me to treat her the same way I did 10 years ago.
Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, I realised that some of the things she accepted or tolerated then were not what she wanted, but she chose to compromise, or sacrifice, based on the situation or our circumstances at the time.
I became interested in learning more about my wife. And it became even more exciting as I got the chance to rate my maturity in relation to marriage as an institution.
The point I am trying to make here is that we should never cease to open ourselves to new things about our partners.
Being married for years doesn’t automatically mean you know your partner. Human beings tend to discover themselves anew as they grow and mature and make decisions consistent with evolving times.
They start to know how they want to be loved, addressed, and treated in their marriages. If you grasp that notion quickly, you will enjoy your marriage every day.
Do not be an old dog stuck on your younger self or the younger version of your partner.
In conclusion, as a marital counsellor, a spiritual leader, and a married man for over two decades, I have observed and learnt that when someone under any kind of leadership or in a relationship, decides to take away their trust and loyalty, there is little you can do or say to get it back.
The same for a spouse, when they remove their heart from their marital relationship, it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to win it back.
Therefore, leaders should take good care of those under their leadership. And those who are married should care for their spouses’ hearts. For if we do not care enough to hold dear to matters of heart, trust and loyalty, it could easily be lost indefinitely – and this to everyone’s detriment
No one should be a victim of “I know my wife/husband”.
A person is known by their maker, God.
If you haven’t reached where I am, please be ready to take this piece of advice if you want a happier marriage. Also, if you have arrived but are still in shock, welcome to the club.
• Khumalo is an academic, a marriage counsellor and managing director of Clips Investments
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