Johannesburg – A while back, I was in a nightclub in Mozambique with media colleagues from South Africa.
We had just witnessed the most spectacular strip show.
The stripper gave our money’s worth when kneeling on the floor, she poured a liquid over her naked body and set herself alight.
I was about to rush to her rescue when our tour guide stopped me. Thankfully, it was a harmless gimmick.
Back to our table, with my hormones on steroids, I was approached by another lilyclad lady.
Unfortunately, the language barrier hobbled our flirting but our tour guide was on hand to translate her Portuguese to my English.
She was inviting me to join her “upstairs” for a good time. It takes a lot to shock me but I was gobsmacked and told her I needed to finish my drink.
She mistook my response for reluctance and went for my jugular. Through the tour guide, she explained that she had a condom.
Frankly, I hadn’t seen it coming. This was the most open invitation I had ever experienced and I’ve been around the block.
The tour guide explained that she was giving me the assurance that my safety was guaranteed between her legs. I was momentarily stunned but quickly gathered my wits that condoms were not free in Maputo, unlike in SA.
In Mzansi, kids routinely blow them up like balloons while some people smear the lubricant to treat their skin.
Mozambique, like many other countries, does not offer free condoms.
If you want a roll in the hay, you buy your own protective sheath I learnt a valuable lesson that night.
South Africa might seem like a decrepit country but there is a lot that we take for granted. Ours is a welfare state wherein the burden is eased for the underprivileged.
Primary healthcare is free for everyone at state clinics and hospitals.
There are nofee schools and higher education is also state-funded for those who cannot afford it.
Condoms are available at no cost at clinics and taverns The state chips in with a monthly child grant for those who did not use protection.
Yes, politicians have by and large betrayed their oath to bring a bett er life for all, but credit must be given where it’s due.
Ideally, the creation of jobs would reduce the burden on state coffers but the government is unable to create conditions to enable mass employment.
Dear reader, I know you can’t wait to read whether I went “upstairs” or not in Maputo, but that’s a subject of another column. Wink!
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