As it happens, Moi loves going to shindigs where booze is flowing and decent food is galore, where celebs and sidekicks wear make-up and showcase the latest fashion trends.
But at the ANC elective conference, Your Lady in Gossip experienced a different situation altogether, the ANC NEC gathering looked like a church congregation listening to a Sunday sermon by some boring pastor. I was also bored to the core.
Worse still, Mother’s Union church members serving as ANC NEC members seemed to have let their beauty go to waste, they looked scruffy with no trendy hairstyles or make-up. By the look of things, woke up and left their beds without looking at themselves in the mirror.
The less said about the male members of the NEC the better. It was like they were attending some traditional ceremony to indulge in umqombothi (traditional beer) and start arguing about women, cattle, and whatever petty thinking that’s on their minds.
Anyway, Shwa realised some of the delegates are from deep rural areas and literally looked lost in the bright streets of Jozi, never mind the Eskom blackouts. Yaz, you can take Jimmy to Joburg, but farm life is embedded in them, and it’s been difficult to adjust. Hectic!
Spotted Enoch Godongwana on the phone for hours on end, I wonder who he was talking to or maybe he was organising another massage with some masseur nearby, we’ll never know until some scandal erupts. He seemed to be on some deep discussion.
Umgosi, good or bad has been the order of the day at this conference.
Nanny state minister Lindiwe Zulu looked like she was from a nearby clothing factory in Booysens where she was pushing a night shift sewing overalls, and she just changed her boots to heels and left for Nasrec.
Ex-presidency mouthpiece Khusela Diko (remember her?) was all smiles. Shame, where has she been at all this time, I loved her simple, statement-making outfit. She is such a bubbly person, full of life despite her recent setbacks.
If there is one thing Pule Mabe would hate to see in his life, it is when he could be deprived to be in front of rolling TV cameras. Hey, Pule loves to see his face on TV, rambling on stop. I think when he gets home, he always replays his news clips, just for the thrill of watching himself. Stop it.
Free State public servant Mxolisi Dukwana was there, going on and on about the Free State moola shenanigans and Moi also saw him spilling hot mgosi with some granny during the plenary session.
Cupcake and the Cat, as President Cyril Ramaphosa and deputy David Mabuza are known respectively, couldn’t stop looking one another in the eyes, smiling at each other and behaving like lovesick puppies. Knives are out, stop the pretence.
I wonder which dark corner former No1 Msholozi was hiding, as he made a grand entrance when Cupcake had long started delivering his political report.
Butternut Nxamalala had the nerve to disrupt Cupcake’s speech, what with KZN delegates singing, “Weee Phala Phala Awuphendule uZuma Wenzeni?” (Phala Phala answer, what has Zuma done?) Heckling someone on the podium is one art ANC members were trained to execute perfectly, they mastered it at their political school, I should think.
Bossy KzN chair Siboniso Duma subtly instilled fear in ANC’s motormouth chair Gwede Mantashe and unfit cop minister Bheki Cele when he ascended the stage and chastised them Cele the Tiger wanted to unleash security guards on unruly KZN delegates.
It was like watching The Wife, where Ndabezitha instils fear on the Majola brothers. And thickhead Carl Niehaus will forever be a palooka of note who is forever spewing bile. He was outside the conference with his MKMVA howlers, doing some protesting nonsense.
Power struggles and all, coupled with fake smiles, are the character of the five-day ANC shindig. I am outta here.
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