Johannesburg – Author Unathi Mabunda urges parents in her debut book titled Girls Prepare, Boys show up to stop preparing their daughters for marriage only – even when doing it subconsciously.
Mabunda, 38, and a single mother of a seven-year-old girl, says she was not necessarily a misogynist but that not every woman was born to be married.
A born-again Christian and a minister in the church, she says her book was an extension of her work with her non-profit organisation, She Evolution, where she engages with young women daily.
As an advocate for social change, she says she empowered women by addressing emotional and physical abuse, and how to advance one’s self, adding that parents were conditioned in teaching their girls certain behaviours that encouraged them to be “good girls” in order to get a husband.
This happened, she says, across cultures and religions.
“These things are taught from a young age, as young as three/four, that there is no value to a woman outside the institution of marriage,” says Mabunda.
“Girls are taught to behave in certain ways, we are put in ready-to-marry programme by being told don’t sit like that, don’t dress like that, don’t laugh like that, don’t be loud, do your chores.
And what are they being trained for? To be found worthy candidates in order to be chosen as a wife to serve a man? Why are we not encouraging our girl children to take back their power and aim for more than just marriage because it’s not a measure of success?”
Having grown up in a church in the Ludlow village in Bushbuckridge, Mpumalanga, she says she remained a woman of God and that she was never ready to submit to a man.
Having had a child in her early 30s, she says lobola was paid as per Tsonga tradition but it was done to cover the shame that came with her pregnancy out of wedlock.
“It was more to please my mom, who was also a single parent to five children. That union ended before it even began.
“I am a woman of God, but I’m also a woman of power as God intended me to be. I am currently doing an MBA through a university in the United Kingdom.
“If I had a husband, I would have had to take his concerns and that of the family into consideration.”
She says most of the young women she encountered say they were made to feel worthless if they were single, and were raised being told that their wedding day would be the most important day in their lives.
They often say yes to the very first proposal they got because it was seen as the graduation for the interview they had prepared their whole lives for.
“Most women don’t even know the answer to why they got married? Just that it was expected.”
She also says the boy child often did not get the same training as girls. “They are not taught accountability and ensuring the household is run well by caring for one’s spouse, being present and actively involved in the lives of their family.
“Our life’s mission is not to perpetually be on a quest to find our ‘better half’, but to live effectively in every season of life.”
And to those who still want to commit, she advises that it’s done for the right reasons.
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