An old interview with Thobile Khumalo, also known as MaKhumalo, has resurfaced online and sparked public debate on whether South Africa’s famous polygamist Musa Mseleku allegedly groomed her from a young age. In the interview, MaKhumalo recounts how she met her husband, Mseleku.
She revealed that she was very young and naïve at the time, and that Mseleku repeatedly made subtle advances, telling her he wanted to marry her.
According to MaKhumalo, it was only when she turned 18 that his intentions began to make sense to her. And they eventually started dating.
Knew nothing about dating then
“When I was growing up, I thought I’d become a soccer player. But those dreams were shattered when I became Mseleku’s wife.
“I was on my way to school when I first met Bab’ uMseleku. I was just a child and knew nothing about dating. For many years, he would tease me and make these subtle comments, telling me that he wanted me to be his wife. At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. In fact, it sounded like a joke. I never saw him as a boyfriend but as an elder from our community.
“As I grew older, I got used to his teasing and playfulness. From time to time, he’d show up and repeat that he wanted me to become his wife. I never took him seriously.
“Years went by without me seeing him. When he showed up again, he repeated those same words, that he wanted me to become his wife.
At 18, he came back
“But this time, I was a bit older, I was 18 years old, and I sort of understood what he meant. I warmed up to him. I was impressed by his patience and understanding. And I liked the fact that he saw something in me that I couldn’t see,” MaKhumalo explained.
This interview has opened a public debate about grooming. Some people say that Mseleku may have groomed MaKhumalo.
Cookie Edwards, executive director at the KZN Network on Violence Against Women, said: “It’s usually very difficult to see when a child is being groomed.
“This is because it can take years. And it is very subtle and manipulative. It can go undetected for a long time.
May have groomed the young girl
“The aim of the perpetrator is usually to gain the child’s trust. Perpetrators often shower the child with gifts and attention, sweet-talk them, and make sure they appear as saints.
“ At this stage, the child would not suspect anything. In fact, the victim might even defend the perpetrator if someone tries to intervene,” said Edwards.
“Eventually, the perpetrator will try to isolate the victim so he can have full control. This also allows him to maintain power over the victim.”
Zama Dladla, a clinical psychologist, shared similar sentiments.
“Grooming is dangerous because the victim is usually not mature enough to realise what is wrong. Unlike in dating or courting, in grooming, the victim is not in a position to give informed consent due to immaturity. But the perpetrator is always aware of his intentions.
“It is also important to understand that grooming is not always violent; it can appear harmless. Perpetrators often disguise it as support and sometimes as protection. In many cases, they target people of a certain age. However, sometimes they go so far as to marry their victims.
Moral aspects
“The outcome of grooming is not necessarily the focal point. One needs to look at the process, how everything took place. One needs to consider the ethics, legality, and moral aspects of the entire situation.
“Grooming is multi-layered. It plays on power dynamics, societal standards, and socio-economic factors. It’s a well-oiled machine of manipulation.”
Both Mseleku and MaKhumalo were approached for comment but did not respond.
