I must have been a dog in my previous life, and I don’t even believe in reincarnation. Let me explain.
When I was knee-high to a grasshopper, I once returned from school and found the family dog lying morosely in the yard. I observed it for a few minutes and decided it was not sick or anything, just bored.
I decided to entertain it by tickling its ribs. Big mistake. Brakkie suddenly lunged at me, baring its shiny canines at me. Fortunately, it missed my hand and walked away in irritation.
A family friend who watched the scene unfold explained that I should have left the dog alone. It was not boring but was in a contemplative mood and I had interfered with its inner peace.
I remember this episode because since disability struck me five years ago, I have become withdrawn and prone to my own company. I also mastered that rare skill of drinking alone at home. Yes, most drinkers claim it’s not possible to enjoy their tipple at home. I suspect these are just cheats who want a break from their wives to ogle other women at the tavern.
The lay psychologists among you might describe my condition as anti-social but that will be wrong. As a matter of fact, I have “friends” who believe they can just show up at my door to chill with me.
Because I’m a night owl, others rock up expecting to be regaled by my endless reservoir of tales and to drink my beer mahala. I know I am great company because I’m also good at talking to myself and laughing at my thoughts. I have books, CDs and DVDs that can fill a village library.
Since we are social beings, I enjoy company from time to time, but take strong exception when people invade my space unannounced. When Covid-19 arrived and forced us to stay at home, I was already a master at maintaining social distance.
I have enough material to keep me entertained for a lifetime. I wouldn’t mind being shipwrecked on the Blue Lagoon, that lush tropical island in the South Pacific.
OK, I concede that I occasionally require female company, particularly in these cold climes. And this presents another problem for me because some visitors overstay their welcome. I’ve been stuck with a concubine I had invited for the weekend and she saw fit to pack her clothes in my wardrobe, a warning sign.
I have this “friend” who leaves his masihlalisane to hang out with me every night and the girlfriend doesn’t approve.
He tells me she has warned him not to adopt my laissez-faire lifestyle and I agree with her. I do not recommend my carefree existence for anyone in a committed relationship. I’m a dog, but unlike Brakkie, I don’t bite.
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