Former president Jacob Zuma is scheduled for a tiny chat about alleged rule-breaking with the ANC’s disciplinary committee on Tuesday at Luthuli House.
The invite, which has all the hallmarks of Zuma’s infamous tea parties with other opposition leaders, stipulates that Zuma faces music considerably less harmonious than the melodies he’s known to belt out at rallies.
On the agenda, or charge sheet, the ANC accuses Zuma of doing the unthinkable: acting in collaboration with another political entity.
The second charge suggests he’s been playing footsie under the table with a political party that is not on the ANC’s list of approved dining companions.
Family reunion
In short, the tea invitation all centres around Zuma’s December announcement to campaign for the uMkhonto weSizwe (MK) party and not for “Ramaphosa’s ANC”.
Members of the MK party have already RSVP’d for Tuesday, promising to gather in solidarity around the ANC’s headquarters.
This spirited support is expected to resemble a family reunion, complete with Uncle Jacob arriving awkwardly despite everyone’s mixed feelings.
The host’s welcome party reads like the who’s who of political celebrities. From Faith Muthambi, Zuma’s former confidante, to Vusi Pikoli, a name synonymous with past attempts to bring Zuma to book.
Commitment to integrity and unity
Should the committee find Zuma’s dance moves out of step with the ANC’s rhythm, they hold the power to impose a range of penalties.
From reprimands to the equivalent of being grounded without TV, the national disciplinary committee’s disciplinary tools seem designed to remind all members that the party’s choreography is not open for improvisation.
Zuma’s shift from ANC cheerleader to critic has been as subtle as a vuvuzela at a golf tournament. He has had harsh words for President Cyril Ramaphosa, whom he’s painted as a pawn of shadowy economic forces.
ANC spokesperson Mahlengi Bhengu-Motsiri says, with the conviction of someone trying to sell ice to Eskimos, that the scheduled hearing represents the party’s commitment to integrity and unity.
This claim stands in stark contrast to the popcorn-worthy spectacle many expect when the tea party convenes.
He is at the mercy of the ANC
Her counterpart and MK party spokesperson, Nhlamulo Ndhlela, has bravely declared that Zuma is no coward and that he will show up.
Ndhlela reassured the public that Zuma is fearless. “Whatever the outcomes thereof, he is at the ANC’s mercy,” he says.
One thing is for sure: in the grand theatre of South African politics, Zuma remains the leading actor in a drama that no playwright could have ever conceived.
Curtain up on Tuesday at 10am — don’t forget to silence your phones, suppress your giggles, and prepare for a performance that promises to be nothing short of a political pantomime.
