Pastor Enoch Phiri has had countless setbacks in his divorce journey which he recorded in a journal he called a pen to paper therapy.
The journal has now given birth to a soon-to-be-published book called Overcoming The Pain of Divorce and Separation, where Phiri opens up and helps other men who are going through the excruciating pain of separating from their partners.
In a sit-down with Sunday World recently, the Restoration House Ministries’ leader shared that he received heart-wrenching judgement as a clergyman because of the divorce, which is considered immoral and sinful in churches.
Although men of the cloth discourage judgement, he said they spearheaded the mud-dragging experience.
“People think I initiated the divorce and wanted out of my marriage, but the truth is that I tried everything, and it killed me from the inside,” said the AmaBishop resident pastor.
“I took depression pills for almost a year and they made me numb. I also didn’t consider anything to be serious, I would hallucinate and imagine dreams to be real. I would have a dream having a meeting with someone, then the next time I meet them I will want to pick up from that dream as if it was real.”
Phiri explained further: “I was diagnosed with depression because of the state I was in. I was all alone and never knowing what time of the day it was or what day it was, because all I would do is wake up, pinch myself and simply get back to sleep.
“I kind of felt like I have failed [in] everything simply by losing my now ex-wife, because in my head I always imagined that everything I do was for my family. Now imagine having to wake up and realise that your reason for going out there to hustle was no longer there, it feels like a decimal fail.”
He reminisced on happier times when their home would be packed with at least 15 cars from ministry leaders and associates passing by to greet, saying these days the same people have become strangers.
Laughter turned to deep misery and tears of joy transformed to pain almost as if the world had no more happiness to offer when his 18-year-long marriage journey came to a screeching halt.
“My wife and I were very poor in the beginning. With each day passing, I got utterly frustrated with the thought that I took her from her home to make her suffer. She would go to work and always find me at home, it was not nice because as a man, I felt I should take care of my family,” he shared.
“The ministry and its school only teach us preaching and not how to financially maintain our families. There came a point when I told myself that I am going out to work, I will not depend on tithes and offerings because that is other people’s sweat. With that mindset, I grinded so hard that I became a businessman and I was hardly home.
“I believe that this change made my wife feel lonely because I would usually leave on Sundays after church and come back on Wednesday. I was no longer the man that was always there for and with her.
“I thought my work [commitments] were being appreciated, but with the divorce proposal I realised [that] I must have given way too much to business. That is simply the journey to my divorce. It killed me and it cannot kill any more men like that, we need to be there for each other.”
He gave credit to gospel musician Reverend Benjamin Dube, Bishop Mosa Sono and Archbishop Stephen Zondo for their motivation to heal and helping him to move on.
“Pastors that have gone through the mess are the ones who are supportive, because they understand what it feels like to be an imperfect pastor.
“I lost television gigs, business deals, church support and friends because most of them were mutual to me and my ex-wife, and some did not want me tainting their reputations. But my God will never fail me.”
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