Have you ever been invited to a sub-par event and felt like leaving as soon as you arrived? Yes, I’m talking about the L’Oréal event (sigh)… where do I even begin?
When Shwa is disappointed, just know that your event was horrible, and you need to go back to the drawing board. Period!
So, on Friday your favourite gossip girl was invited to the L’Oréal event that was held at the Sandton Convention Centre, where they were celebrating Thuso Mbedu’s appointment as the ambassador for sub-Saharan Africa. That’s good news and it calls for a celebration, but why were we expected to come dressed in black? We weren’t mourning for goodness’ sake!
It was so full! Yesses. Imagine all the Instagram influencers, socialites, celebs-wannabes in one place. It was giving Bree taxi rank a heart attack, just full of celebrities.
The façades? Everyone pretended to like each other but I got it – it was a makeup event after all.
Mara Thuso is getting the bag though… so we are happy, halala!
Remember Poppy Ntshongwana? Maybe you don’t, but she was the MC of the show. That’s how long she’s been away from everyone.
Wait, is Lasizwe Dambuza gay or transgender? Shwa saw him looking rather out of place and uncomfortable in a dress. What are your pronouns, nana? I wanna address you properly.
The last time moi saw Mpho Maboi, she was still married to that soccer player guy. That’s how scarce she has been. Where did you buy that dress, sisi? I’ve seen a couple of those at these Chinese shops, I just wanna know yours.
How come no one ever told me that Kayleigh Schwark was so hot? I get why her boyfriend, the Naked DJ, is still around. Shwa would’ve loved to see them walking hand in hand because their relationship is already under so much scrutiny cause of the reality show. Naked, please go with her next time, your relationship needs good PR.
Celeste Ntuli is easily my favourite comedian in SA because she is real, and she nailed that role in Isibaya… so I became a fan for a hot minute when I saw her. Shwa is not made sure about that dress though. It looked like it was made from the remainder of a couch cover.
Have you all seen how sizzling hot Mona Monyane is? She broke up with Khulu and started ageing backwards. Where are you working now, moghel? We last saw you in Muvhango. That bald head? It is a yes from Shwa.
The Balas took over the whole show, literally. Loyiso Bala brought his wife Jen. Phelo and Mel Bala joined them later. A little birdie told me that Phelo is back in the dating pool again, someone give him a job because Phathu Makwarela fired him on Gqeberha- The Empire.
Why did Musa’s wife (Liesl Laurie-Mthombeni) pull a catwalk down the crowd bathong? It was like as soon as she saw the camera, her alter ego kicked in. Once a pageant princess, always neh? Hectic.
Is actress Khanya Mkangisa friends with Brenette from The Real Housewives of Johannesburg? They were giving those “you cannot sit with us” high school bestie vibes. If it were up to moi, I’d make you and Boity kiss and make up.
I hope I don’t regret saying this because Musa Khawula can be forward sometimes but, he was right! What was that dress that Tshepi Vundla wore? A corduroy dress in 2023? I will forgive you cause you’re probably planning your wedding.
Shwa saw Phupho Gumede (Ayanda’s brother) in a clothing piece that almost showed his manhood. He is doing too much for someone who lives to style Sithelo Shozi. I’m speaking on behalf of the South Africans, please speak to your sister. We don’t need what she is doing on YouTube.
Shwa hopes there is no bad blood between House of Zwide actors Nefisa and Shoki. All I could see was another Ntando Duma and Natasha Thahane fallout. Or is it still brewing? I hope it is not tense on set.
Speaking of Natasha, she looked stunning. The hair, make-up, dress? She ate and left no crumbs. Shwa loves a snatched babymama.
To all the influencers who are crying about the goodie bags after they went through so much preparation for the event, sorry darlings. It is okay to turn down an invitation sometimes.
And L’Oréal? Please do better. Respect people’s time and efforts.
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