Shwa’s Brutal celeb roast of the Pink Table crowd
Oh honey, the Brutal Fruit Pink Table launch was serving looks, vibes and a whole lot of sparkle, but let’s talk about the real drama simmering under those Cavalli Estate chandeliers.
Shwa clocked Mihlali Ndamase strutting in like she invented pink herself. Sis, we get it, you’re an influencer, but did you have to outshine the table? Word is that she spent half the night posing for the ’gram, airbrushing her selfies faster than Ami Faku could hit a high note.
Mihlali, darling, we know you’re the queen of beauty collabs but maybe next time let the Brutal Fruit bubbles steal the show, hmm?
Then there was Zanele – oh, Zanele the chef or was it Zanele Potelwa making bold fashion moves? Either way, she rolled up like she was about to MC the event instead of Bonang. Shwa hears she was eyeing that Pink Table like it was her next runway – girl, we know you’ve got style but this isn’t Top Chef or Idols SA. Did you bring a spatula or a mic?
Pick a lane, sweetie, because those bold moves were giving us whiplash while DJ Kent was trying to keep the beats steady. Still, props for showing up; that confidence deserves a Brutal Fruit toast!
And Xoli Gcabashe, my goodness, did you get lost on the way to the table or were you just too busy being effortlessly chic? Shwa spotted you mingling with the besties, looking like you were ready to drop a Ted Talk on empowerment.
We love the vibe, Xoli but next time, don’t let Mama Gcina outshine you with her storytelling – step up and give us a little more sass to match that stunning material of the Pink Table. You’re bold yet gentle, sure, but Shwa needs you to turn up the volume!
Then there’s Lalela Mswane, our pageant princess. Shwa bets she’d have floated in on that Cavalli Estate breeze, all poised and perfect, making the Pink Table look like her personal runway.
Thembi Seete, the OG queen of glam, probably rolled her eyes at the Pink Table’s “innovative yet inclusive” vibe –she’s been serving that duality since the Boom Shaka days! Shwa imagines her sipping a spritzer, whispering, “I invented bold and feminine, darlings.”
Thembi, you’re a legend but don’t just sit there looking stunning – give us a twirl and show these young’uns how it’s done!
And LootLove, Shwa knows you’d have turned that Pink Table into a catwalk faster than Bonang could say “effervescent”.
While Bonang was out there fizzing like the brand’s signature bubbles, and Ami Faku had us all singing along. Shwa’s watching, and next time, bring your A-game to match that winding curve of connection.
