Where are the fathers? Hijacking survivor’s question sparks national call to action

For hijacking survivor Themba Dlamini, the memory of the criminal incident that nearly cost him his life is still sharp. But what has stayed with him most is not just the violence, it is the faces of the young men who perpetrated the crime.

“Young enough to be my classmates. Young enough to still be someone’s sons,” he says. “And the question that has stayed with me ever since is: where were their fathers?”

Dlamini, a pastor, chartered accountant, husband and father of four, has turned that question into a broader national conversation. Through Heartlines’ Fathers Matter programme, he is urging South Africans to confront the role of fathers and father figures in shaping safer communities.

All in the upbringing

According to the Fathers Matter report, violence does not begin in a moment of rage. It takes root much earlier, in the emotional lives of children.

“Violence can look sudden, like someone snapped,” Dlamini explains. “But it usually grows quietly, in anger that is never named, in shame that is never softened, in boys who were never shown what to do with their strength.”

The research highlights how children absorb and imitate behaviours they associate with manhood. In many cases, that includes aggression, substance abuse and bullying, patterns that often surface in schools and communities long before they escalate into serious crime.

Fatherlessness in South Africa

While South Africa’s response to violence often focuses on policing and crisis intervention, Heartlines argues that prevention must begin at home — and much earlier.

The absence of a positive father figure can leave children vulnerable, not only as victims of violence, but also, in some cases, as perpetrators.

Research has long linked fatherlessness in South Africa to increased risks of gender-based violence, substance abuse and criminal behaviour. Children without present fathers often struggle with feelings of abandonment, low self-worth and unresolved anger.

But the impact goes deeper than statistics.

“When the father is not there, children become resentful, they carry anger,” one child said during the study.

Another added: “Our fathers should make us feel safe… some of us are afraid of our fathers, they are always shouting and beating us up.”

Dlamini is clear: “Men do not wake up one day and decide to be violent. They are formed. And part of that formation is whether there was someone who helped them understand both their strength and their limits.”

Both parents have a role

The Fathers Matter campaign stresses that the issue is not solely a male responsibility. Mothers, caregivers and communities all play a role in shaping children’s understanding of relationships, conflict and identity.

“The way conflict, anger and relationships are handled in the home shapes what children see as normal,” says Heartlines project director Zamabongo Mojalefa. “Supporting positive father involvement, or identifying other safe male role models, can make a real difference.”

Heartlines acknowledges that father absence in South Africa is deeply tied to history and economic realities. Migrant labour, poverty and unemployment have fractured families for generations.

“This is not about blame,” Dlamini says. “It is about invitation. A child does not need a perfect father. They need presence. They need someone who stays.”

Importantly, that presence does not have to come from a biological father. Uncles, teachers, coaches and mentors can step into that role and help guide children, especially where fathers are absent.

Through its Fathers Matter programme, Heartlines offers practical tools, workshops and support platforms, including a WhatsApp coaching service, to help men and families build stronger, healthier relationships with children.

For Dlamini, the solution is simple, even if the reality is complex.

“We do not need fewer men,” he says. “We need more men who stay.”

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